Prayers?

There is a couple in our church, Dave and Bethann, who just learned Tuesday that their baby died.  Bethann was 34 weeks pregnant, and this was their first child.  Bethann is being induced today and they have asked for prayers for strength as they get to meet their little boy Eli for the first time. They have asked that we notify people and ask for prayers, especially for today.  Dave and Bethann are showing quite a lot of strength at this time and have been welcoming people into their lives during this stage of mourning...

This is a hard, hard thing to go through, as I and many of you know from personal experience.  Your prayers will make a difference.

A Shared Name and an Ending.

On this date in 1961, Carolyn Atkinson said "I do" to her sweetheart Doug and became Carolyn McCall.

In 1994 the youngest of their four children brought home a girl to meet his parents - Carolyn, meet Carolyn... and a year later that Carolyn took on the same name and became another Carolyn McCall.

A sad turn of events saw that boy gone too soon, and a few years later Carolyn McCall (the second) became Carolyn Ward, after a decade of sharing a wonderful lady's name.

And yesterday.  Yesterday, we said good bye to that Carolyn McCall for the last time.  A few hours short of reaching their 52nd wedding anniversary (although as Carla said, it was already past midnight in Ontario, where they got married).

Goodbye to the name and good bye to a wonderful lady.  We look forward with a certainty to a great hello again one day.

M got to be there and hold her hand...

When Close Ones Grieve

The little one and I are heading off on a road trip today.  Mom and Dad are on their way from Winnipeg to pick us up and then we head right back again.  Nolan would not last if we drove just the two of us by ourselves.  We looked into the bus and flying, but my parents came up with this crazy plan of driving to get us and take us back again - four trips in three days - so we're jumping on the crazy train.

The reason for the travel?  So we can go to the 'Celebration of Life' for my Uncle.  He's only the second of my aunts and uncles to pass away, and it feels like childhood ending in a way.  The family as we know it, still intact but for the grandparents, has begun another shift.  The saying goodbye to the generation just one up... the generation of our parents.

In these last weeks my sister-in-law in Portugal had to say good-bye to her mom, as well.  Grief is not uncommon, and we all must take a turn saying good-bye to loved ones; the universality of it unfortunately does not lessen its pain.

As one who has gone through a good-bye and knows the pain of grief, I also know that the words that help are hard to come by.  All I can offer are a few words from my own experience: this post on grief was written almost two years after, and maybe, Auntie Joan and my cousins, and Ana, they might give a picture of what's to come?

Praying for you...

Customer Service Fail

Or -

You'd Better Read the Fine Print

Or -

How Bennett Dunlop Ford Just Lost Customers

Two years ago, we bought my 2007 Ford Escape from Bennett.  It was newer and slightly more $ than we had thought we'd spend, but because we were the second owners, and the original owner had bought it there and then traded it in, it had a good warranty with them.  Lifetime Powertrain Warranty.  So this week, when the transmission failed, we were thankful we had that, and took it in for a new tranny.  Under warranty.

Sean called this morning to say they had declined the warranty.  Apparently me going for an oil change every time they sent a reminder wasn't good enough - they gave me dates to come in, but the FINE PRINT on the warranty says it needed to be done every certain # of kms.  So what was the point in their reminders if they did not keep the conditions of the warranty??

They have lost our business and our respect.  We are leaving it there for the work to be done only because I have a friend who works there and has given us a friends and family discount, making a tranny replacement slightly cheaper than where we were going to tow it away to.

So long, Bennett.  We thought you were great, but now we know better.

What I Have Learned About Winter

I am speaking this weekend at a Women's Wellness Day at my home church in Winnipeg.  The theme is Winter Wonderland, and I get to speak about how to deal with and get through the winter seasons of life.  Yes, there will be kleenex handy - I hope I can get through it without using a whole box.  :)

I am sitting here this morning going over my notes, and I'm looking at something I wrote and shared in church as a living sermon illustration for a message on suffering.  This was 5 years ago - 3 years after Neil passed away.  I thought I would share it with you today, and for those of you who will be at the Women's Wellness Day, this might be a bit of a sneak peek.

What Have I Learned

...About Myself?

I have learned that I can do anything.  It’s only through God who gives me the strength, but he does, and I can.

I have learned that the faith I have held onto my whole life is real, and with every testing that it faces it gets deeper.

I have learned that I am not in control of my own life, that God is, and that He knows what He’s doing.  He’s got plans that I need to fit into, and He keeps shaping me through everything I go through so that He can use me for the next thing, and the next thing.

I have learned that my job is the same as it’s always been – to keep my eyes on Him and obey.

I have learned that God has plans for me.  He has directed and shaped me, my whole life, for who I am now, and who I am going to be.  I had always thought that I would go to Bible College and get a degree, but I never had any real career goals (I still don’t!).  I took what interested me and ended up with a BA in Christian Ministry, figuring whatever I did with my life, I would be involved in a church somewhere and could use that education.  I have used it in many ways, and now I even have a real job that is directly related to that training.  I firmly believe that God gave me the interests He did because He sees the big picture, and knows where we will be and what He will want from us then.

I have learned that who I am did not end three years ago.  Tragedy shapes and changes you, but it should not define you.

I have learned that relationships matter.  I value my alone time, but God keeps telling me that I’m not allowed to be a hermit.  I have to let people in to help me and minister to me, so that God can bless them, and I need to be involved with people so that I can minister to them and show God’s love.

…About Life,

I have learned that it’s ok not to understand the reasons behind things.

I have learned that everyone dies.  That everyone will lose someone close to them.  That grief and loss are a part of living.  That death doesn’t have to be feared.

I have learned that there is always someone else who has gone through the same thing.

I have learned that you don’t have to have gone through the same thing to be able to comfort someone.

I have learned that death doesn’t define life – there will still be things to make you laugh.

I have learned that there is always balance between grief and joy, good circumstances and bad circumstances – sometimes we swing more one way or the other, but we never stay there.

And what have I learned about God?

 I have learned that that our faith is founded on something, someone, that is real and solid that can handle anything that we are asked to go through.

I have learned that He is faithful to what He has promised. He is unchanging and that means reliable.  We’ve heard His promises and they don’t always get tested until we face something hard.  But when you do, they prove to be solid.

I have learned that He comforts.

I have learned that He heals.

I have learned that He provides.  I never once wondered how we’d make it.

I have learned that although we’ve been taught that He is invisible, if we open our eyes in a new way, we can see Him very clearly in His body.  We the church are his body, and He has cared for me in very real ways using His body – the church.  Using you.  I needed help with things around the house, and He did them, looking a lot like some of the men in this room.  I needed to eat, and He fed us from your kitchens.  I needed hugs, and His arms felt a lot like yours.

I have learned that He uses times of tragedy to build community.  People are generous and sympathetic and think of something other then themselves – tragedies bring out the good in people.  He also uses them to cause people to think deeply about their own lives.

I have learned that he never gives you more than you can bear – He gives you the strength as you need it.

I have learned that he is gentle.  He gives you little bits to deal with as you are able, and doesn’t expect you to go through it all at once.  It’s aggravating in a way, because you think you’re doing so well, and then something else hits you, but it’s God’s way of spacing it out so you’re not overwhelmed.  People say time heals, but God made time, and it’s one of the tools He uses as He helps you get through the next thing.

I have learned that God is patient.  He knows that we are just human; He’s the One that made us the way we are.

Those are some of the things I have learned as I’ve experienced God’s sustaining grace.

Book Club Party & Sad Anniversary

 

Here are my book club friends!  Last night we met & ate & discussed Animal Farm, and had a book exchange.  Good fun - I enjoy these girls.  We`ve got two little readers on the way - the two in the middle of the back row are both due Dec. 17!  Suzanne`s little one is coming a little sooner, though - (s)he`s breech, so she`s got a C scheduled for Tuesday.   

We set up for the craft sale tonight.  It looks decent - 80 tables and yummy baking...  I`m looking forward to hanging out with Madeline and Carla and Josh and Suzanne tomorrow.  (It`s at WH Ford, 10-4 if you want to come check it out or visit!)  I also wish I was going to be home painting with Sean, but I did get in on some brush action tonight.  We primed the whole kitchen, and painted the kitchen and bathroom ceilings.  All that`s left is the color on the walls.

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*

Today is December 3.  It`s a sad anniversary for us - Neil has been gone 7 years.  Hard to believe.  In so many ways life has moved on, but in so many ways he is still here.  People at the church talk about him, I still see his handwriting in lots of files at work, Madeline is like him in so many ways: she`s got his looks, his musicality, even his teeth!  The dentist said this week that she`ll need braces.  She had the day off today, so we went down to the cemetery.  There was lots of snow, so we shoveled a path and cleared off the stones.  It`s always a reminder, too, of Lucy - she would be 9 now.  I wonder what she`s like.  Something M said right after Neil died was that I was here with her, and Daddy was in Heaven with Lucy.  I don`t know if that just made sense to her, or if it was a comforting thought.  It does take a bit of the edge off, somewhat.  When we saw Carla tonight she asked if we had shoveled - they went out this morning, too, and while they were there Warren and Doug showed up.  M was glad to hear that - she had been asking this morning if I thought anyone else would go.  She likes knowing that other people remember - I think it validates her feelings.

There you go - just some rambling thoughts on day 2555 without him.

grief

I’ve learned that grief is not a straight line. It sort of cycles, and while it will never be as bad as that first week, things do get better then they get worse again. I think the spirals do eventually get fewer and far between. I’ve learned that the days preceding an anniversary are worse than the actual day. I will get restless (read cranky or irritable or miserable or sad or down) and then realize that, oh, it’s because next week is his birthday or our anniversary (would have been 10 this year – that was a yucky one) or whatever it happens to be, and then it gets a little better because I give myself the ok to wallow in it for a while, then I feel like God says ok, now let’s get on with it and He pulls me out. And then sunshine. Till the next time round.

I miss him in so many ways.