Sadness. Wednesday night the date jumped out at me and I realized that the next day would be May 21st. There are lots of dates on the calendar that hold different memories, and May 21st holds a sad one. Madeline's little sister Lucy was stillborn at 23 weeks on May 21, 2001. Eight years ago. Every year I picture what it would be like to have Madeline and another one two years younger, and yet, my memories of her will always be of a baby. I wanted to do something with the emotions, and I figured a trip to the cemetery would be good. To go, be there, have a cry, let myself feel, and then get on with my day. Carla met me there and it was good to be there together. (And let me add too that I know there are a number of you who read this that have lost babies, and I am feeling for you and praying for you today.)
There has been one topic lately (which I will fill you in on later) that has had me on edge. Thursday I had a conversation with one person, and left feeling anxious and unsure, which had me in a really low mood all night, and then another conversation today with another person changed my perspective around (which I hoped it would!) and made me feel optimistic and confident. (I sent Sean a text after that and let him know I felt better and it was safe to come home today!) Can you say roller coaster?
Happiness and joy. Yesterday morning Madeline and I watched a cat in our yard stalking a squirrel. We almost made ourselves late it was so fun. The cat chased the squirrel across the yard where it ran up the tree, and then sat watching with it's tail twitching, just ready for it to come back. The squirrel was right into it, coming down the tree and teasing the cat; she even chased it up the tree at one point. Watching that simple drama outside in our yard was so good.
And I got out the new zoom lens to play. This one was taken from the kitchen window; she's out on the street on the way to the bus.
Some other emotions were concern for a friend who was getting test results back, and relief when they turned out to not be what she was worried about. (Imagine Arnold: "It's not a tumor!")
I suppose you're wanting an update on my soccer team. Aren't you?? We tied on Tuesday and lost on Thursday. Our record is 1-4-1. Maybe next week things will change! I helped out at M's track meet this morning; there are 4 of my team at her school - M and J (a girl) in her class, then G and A, both boys in grade 5. At one point, I was timing a race that both the boys were in, and A, who hadn't seen me yet, sees me there and says, "Hey, you're my soccer coach! G, look, it's our soccer coach!" I felt pretty special. :) I also felt special when I noticed another girl in M's class was using a bag I had sewed for her as a birthday present one year. She said she loves it and always uses it for swimming and special things like the track meet. I should do that again - M has a party to go to tomorrow and I copped out with a gift card. I should make the handmade pledge...
Here's the layout I made this week. Start to finish done at the church on Tuesday morning, which rarely happens.
Have a great weekend!
1 comment:
I often think of Lucy, and Emeryss too, and wonder what it would be like with them around the tale with the rest of us. So sad.
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